Friday, November 23, 2007

Finally! Car names that make sense

Volvo Vermont: A sporty wagon that runs on anything from Whole Foods. The limited Carl Kassel edition has a sound system that lowers all music and voices a full octave. The Vermont horn blasts Howard Dean's "Yeah!," which has proved to stop momentum dead in its tracks.

BMW 90210i: Dream no more, celebutantes. The latest BMW anticipates every whim. Paparazzi pusher attached to the grill. Built-in doggie bowl for Sparkles. The owner's manual even refers to the glove compartment as the panty compartment. OneStar, a GPS unit preprogrammed with locations of the nearest rehab locations, comes standard. Sensing quiet desperation, it consoles, "You're hot enough to be a reality-TV star."

Dodge Dixie: From south of the Mason-Dixon line comes a sturdy pickup for hauling bales of hay or commuting around Charlotte. Under the hood: 400 horses of NASCAR-inspired American moxie. Because sometimes getting from Cracker Barrel to Wal-Mart requires Dale Earnhardt Jr. speed. Bed liner comes in fleece to help make country music lyrics come true. "Let's get a little mud on the tires." Wink. Wink.

More after the click...

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