Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Stimulus Response

Some time this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. To purchase high-definition TV sets, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

How to spend your stimulus check wisely:

  • If you spend it at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
  • If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
  • If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
  • If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
  • If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
  • If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
  • If you pay off your credit cards or buy stock, it will go to managers' bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by patronizing American businesses that still operate in the U.S.:
  • Buying stuff at yard sales, or
  • Going to ball games, or
  • Spending it on prostitutes, or
  • Beer, or
  • Tattoos.
SO: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you pick up at a yard sale, and drink beer all day.

(No need to thank me, I'm just glad to be of help.)

(Thanks, MH, for passing this one along to me.)

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