Friday, January 18, 2008

Would same sex bestiality be constitutional too?

from Huffington Post by Peter Smith

This just in from a concerned American:

Dear Reverend Governor Huckabee,

My pet schnauzer Winston and I have decided to make life's journey together. We want to be married. The sooner the better. You know how impetuous young lovers can be.

There is only the small question of constitutionality, and we were wondering if you could clarify it for us.

We know you feel that making homosexual marriage constitutional might lead to making man-animal marriage constitutional. So our question is this:

If same sex marriage between human beings makes man-animal marriage constitutional, would it make same sex man-animal marriages like the one Winston and I plan constitutional too? Or did the Founders think that Winston or I would have to undergo gender change surgery before the United States of America would recognize our union?

It's a thorny issue, I know. One that both Winston and I are sure has flummoxed many a religious and constitutional law scholar over the years. Perhaps you yourself pondered it in theological school or in your role as Governor of Arkansas.

If you are unable to parse the subtleties of the point, perhaps you would be so kind as to ask Justice Scalia when you see him? As a devout Catholic, a judge and a hunting man, he no doubt loves God, the law and hunting dogs. Maybe he's had an opportunity to give the question some thought.

Thank you so much, Reverend Governor. And look for an invitation to our upcoming wedding in the mail. As for ideas for a present, I'm registered at Crate & Barrel and Target. Winston is registered at Petco.

Yours truly,

Shep St. Bernard

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