On Adding Ads and Other Thoughts from an Insomniac

Just some personal Stuff

Fool that I am, I've added AdSense to the "Double Negatives" blog. It would be a moneymaker IF I actually had something to say. But that's right up there with "If we had ham we'd have ham and cheese sandwhiches, if we had cheese."

I'd hoped that some of the other people on my list would like to participate. McGowan seems to be the only one. I'm not sure that they have an intuitive access to posting ... there have been a couple added comment lines, though.
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I'd hoped Ali (daughter) would be able to spend Christmas here. That became impossible so, I hoped that Ali would be able to come in January. That's become impossible. She's new with her job and doesn't want to jeopardize it by asking for some time off. I'd sent her money for air fare. When she offered to send it back, I told her that she should keep it as a Christmas present. Buy some clothes or some furniture for her apartment.
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Candy (wife) has been in a great mood since she got some shots for her back pain. It had been getting progressively worse ... to the point that it was impossible to contemplate going anywhere much beyond grocery shopping. We got an electronic gizmo that has electrodes for her back ... and electronic back massage in twenty minute cycles. We're saving that as we keep the effects of the shots under observation.

In the meantime, my blood sugar level is still elevated. I won't say that it's amusing to watch death creep into our lives but it is at least interesting. I've come to the conclusion that it is not death that I fear so much as the dieing. The process is the scary part.
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Contract Delights

The first draft of the new contract was a lawyers dream ... something that could be litigated for years.

My initial response to the 16 page wonder:

Pursuant to our phone conversation earlier this morning, here are my questions regarding the proposed contract and suggestions for contract modifications (absent my pithy remarks about the Declaration of Independence being only a single page document, 1/3 of which is devoted to signatures).

Page 1 Paragraph 1:
Are we talking about a single PO covering the full 12-month period or individual POs for each of the succeeding months?
If XXXXXX Company considers this a subscription service and we are doing this on the basis of POs, why do we need a 16-page contract? Does XXXXXX Company now require a 16-page agreement when purchasing a subscription from The Wall Street Journal?
Where is/are the PO(s)?

Page 3 Paragraph 6
Regarding Communication – I don’t think these paragraphs complicate the issue enough. I’ll get back to you with proposed modifications so convoluted that they render communication totally impossible.

Page 4 Paragraph 8 (and following pages)
Regarding Confidentiality – pages 14, 15 and 16 represent a separate Confidentiality Agreement. Should there be a conflict between these two Confidentiality agreements, which agreement will XXXXXX Company consider to be the binding agreement? Given that everything I do for XXXXXX Company involves materials obtained in the public domain, is this a moot point? Is it now a requirement in XXXXXX Company legal that all attorneys therein wear both belts and suspenders in order to ensure their pants don’t fall down?

Page 6 Paragraphs 9, 10 and 11
Work Product - Based on our conversation this morning I was left with the impression that XXXXXX Company’s intention is to structure our relationship predicated on a.) I am not an employee of XXXXXX Company and that I am a self employed contractor [all very agreeable]; and b.) that, as a result, I am free to peddle my services around the block [we discussed why this can not and will not happen – but it furthers neither XXXXXX Company nor me to include language defining the agreement as being in any way exclusive] – yet the legal department seems to see it as appropriate to include language that does just that – rendering what I do as part and parcel of an exclusive relationship. Should we ever find ourselves in court [heaven forbid], it would seem that for me to try to maintain that the relationship with XXXXXX Company was exclusive would be as deniable as if I characterized the relationship as non-exclusive based on. Legal gymnastics of this sort would prompt even the most obtuse Solomon to cut the baby in half. If there were ever language included in an agreement that would provide justification for employee status, Paragraphs 9, 10 and 11 would form the basis for making that case – most particularly in light of the public domain nature of the material.

Page 8 Paragraph 14 / Page 9 Paragraph 17
It is absurd for XXXXXX Company to require me to maintain insurances for liability, personal injury and property damage in 14 while at the same time requiring me to hold XXXXXX Company harmless from liability in 17. If XXXXXX Company wants to run my “business”, they should either buy me out and hire me as an employee or underwrite the costs of their requirements. If none of these options represent an agreeable course, then XXXXXX Company should be satisfied to be simply “held harmless”.

I was, of course, requested to tone down the sarcasm so that my comments could be shared with the legal department without starting WWIII. I came up with the following:

Here are my questions and concerns regarding the proposed contract and some suggestions. I hope we can resolve these issues to everyone’s satisfaction in short order. I certainly believe that to be possible.

Page 1 Section 1:
Are we talking about a single Purchase Order (PO) covering the full 12-month period or individual POs for each of the succeeding months or daily POs to cover each successive OPI Report?

If XXXXXX Company considers this a subscription service and we are doing this on the basis of POs, why do we need a 16-page contract? If the OPI Report is, in fact, going to be dealt with as a subscription service, not unlike the Wall Street Journal, wouldn’t it make more sense to base the relationship on Purchase Orders as it is with the other subscription service?

Where is/are the PO(s)?

Page 3 Section 6
Regarding Communication – I believe the more control XXXXXX Company insists on having over how I conduct the internal administrative functions of my business, the more I begin to look like an employee. I believe it would be sufficient to substitute language that says all substantive communication between us will be via certified or registered US Mail.

Page 4 Section 8 (and following pages)
Regarding Confidentiality – pages 14, 15 and 16 represent a separate Confidentiality Agreement. Should there be a conflict between these two Confidentiality agreements, which agreement will XXXXXX Company consider to be the binding agreement? Given that everything I do for XXXXXX Company involves materials obtained in the public domain and I have no access to anything at XXXXXX Company other than the database of public domain materials I maintain for XXXXXX Company, is this a moot point?

Page 6 Sections 9, 10 and 11
Work Product – It is my belief that our collective goal is to structure the relationship between XXXXXX Company and me as being predicated on (a.) I am NOT an employee of XXXXXX Company and that I am a self employed contractor; and (b.) that, as a result, I am free to peddle my services to other companies – yet the this document seems to include language that severely impedes that – rendering what I do as part and parcel of an exclusive relationship. It would seem that for me to try to maintain that my status with XXXXXX Company was exclusive and definable as an employee would be a point as easily made as if I characterized my status as non-exclusive and independent. I believe XXXXXX Company would be confronted by the same dilemma based on the language set forth within these and other sections of the agreement. If the object of this agreement is to make clear that I am an independent contractor who provides a specific service on a business to business basis, I believe this language coupled with language in other sections within the document which appear to speak to an exclusive relationship between XXXXXX Company and me only serve to undermine that premise.

Page 8 Section 14 / Page 9 Section 17
It is counter productive for XXXXXX Company to require me to maintain insurances for liability, personal injury and property damage in Section 14 (for reasons stated in the previous paragraph) while at the same time requiring me to hold XXXXXX Company harmless from liability in Section 17. If XXXXXX Company wants to run my “business”, they should either buy me out or hire me as an employee or directly sustain the costs of their requirements. If none of these options represent an agreeable course, then XXXXXX Company should be satisfied to be simply “held harmless”.

My basic premise here is that I am an independent contractor providing a very specific and specialized service. I maintain that XXXXXX Company secures other similar products and services, such as a subscription to the Wall Street Journal, by means of a simple Purchase Order and without benefit of a 16 page agreement defining how the publishers of the Wall Street Journal should administrate their internal affairs. Though defining the specifics of what that product and service XXXXXX Company expects makes sense in this agreement (or on a Purchase Order for that matter), I believe the more XXXXXX Company defines how I administrate the internal workings of my business, the harder it is to make the case that I am an independent contractor. Given that XXXXXX Company can disengage from the relationship with 15 days notice, for any reason what so ever, without further liability other than to pay for services accepted, I believe we are all far better served by keeping the agreement between us as simple and straightforward as possible. I believe the more demands and restrictions XXXXXX Company imposes in this agreement the more we undermine the premise of independent contractor status and the more we support the case that I am an employee.

In defining what I do with respect to XXXXXX Company as a “subscription service” I believe XXXXXX Company is obligated to deal with me in a manner consistent with its relationship with other “subscription services”. To do otherwise runs the risk of creating issues where none need exist.

The draft response was a nine page wonder that addressed some of the questions I raised. It's an agreement based on the previous versions that we've been using for the last year and a half. If there are no major changes of mind on their side between now and the formal final version is available, I think I might be able to sign their effort.

It will be nice to have a full year contract ... even if there is a cancellation clause in it.

Alexander

Well, we went to see the movie. It certainly wasn't as bad as the reviews made it out to be - but it wasn't a great and epic movie, either - though it had all kinds of pretentions to be just that.

Personally, I felt it was a casting error (challenge). The bleeched blond Irish dude simply didn't strike me as having the kind of charisma that would inspire men to folllow him to the ends of the earth.

The battle scenes (were there only two battles in seven years on the road?) were awsome. The first, against Darius, gave me for the first time a feeling that I knew the scale and scope of an ancient battle, of how the armies were arrayed, how they actually fought (much better staged in this regard than Braveheart, to be sure) and what the tactics looked like. The battle in India had more gratuitous bloodshed and was far less informative and enlightening for the effort.

Given we took in an afternoon showing at discounted prices of $5.50 a head (no discounts on the pop corn and soda - which actually cost us more than the tickets to the movie), I felt the first battle scene was worth the price of the flick.

Would love to have sat around over coffee or brandy or whatever for a post mortem (and there certainly was a fair share of mortem to go around).

Too bad about the blond dude, what's his name? He struck me as being more suited to a smaller screen. I liked him better in both Telephone Booth and Heart's War whre his characters were really quite credible. It was all too obvious that he couldn't fill Alexander's sandals, coming off more as being a little person filled with post teen angst and confusion than being a highly complex, emotionally torn conquerer of the known world. But then, maybe the conquest of the world was merely an overly dramatic cry for daddy's attention and approval after all.

We'll buy the DVD when it comes out and prices drop to about $14.95. I could stand to watch it again, now and then - but Band of Brothers would probably get more frequent rotation on my hit list of war movies.

Unhealthy Insurance

Fell off COBRA effective yesterday. We now have "affordable" health insurance from BCBSAZ. Interesting how it works - the insurance / health care business. If you have insurance, you pay $17 for prescriptions that would cost you $84 if you don't have insurance (even thought we have no prescription benefit). It'll be some time before we hit out five kilobuck deductible. The system is structured specifically to hold down those who are already down. Also, having insurance affords one cut rates on visits to the doctor as well. How much is health care? If you have to ask, you can't afford it. Fortunately, I see it as a relatively minor thing for us, however, my heart goes out to those who are really "going it alone".

Out of pocket cost of a visit to a doctor's office - granted, a specialist,
but it points out a severe inequity:

• With company insurance policy: $15 co-pay
  
• With private insurance: $165
  
• W/Out Insurance: $325
  

a reason to withstand corporate humiliation handed out by bone headed bureaucrats... they pay for the privelege.

There is an argument that would suggest that an unintended consequence of current health care system profit structures will be socialized medecine. It is little wonder that so many people don't have health care insurance, preferring instead to let the state take care of it via Medicare and Medicade and the passage of laws that hold hospitals liable for providing "free" health care to those who can't afford it.

A doctor of our acquaintence complained that malpractice insurance caused him to close his practice and retire (in his 40s) - he said that it was breaking him. Interesting to note that, following the closure of his practice he took a six month vacation before retiring to his new home in the Caribbean. Is there something about this that strikes you as ... odd?

Contract Time

The contract has arrived. It's been modified .. oh, how it's been modified! First, to the good. The contract has been changed to an annual renewal cycle from the original six months cycle. The bad news is that the new version was assembled by emptying a wastebasket full of boilerplate into an agreement format and throwing it at me to see if I noticed anything smelly about it.

1. The first paragraph of the 16 page document announces that I am a subscription service and that the company will arrange to buy the output of my services by means of a Purchase Order. If we are going to use a purchase order, why do we need a 16 page document?
   
2. A second and related question that is unanswered in the grey ambiguities is are we talking about a single, blanket PO to cover the twelve month period or are we anticipating twelve purchase orders, one fir each successive month?
   
3. The agreement outlines provisions for communication so convoluted as to make communication totally impossible.
   
4. and on and on and on ...
   

Thought process like the one outlined in the agreement would have even the most obtuse Solomon cutting babies in half.

Is it now fashionable for corporate attorneys to wear both suspenders and a belt to keep their pants from inadvertently falling off?

I'm assembling my concerns and suggestions for modification - the original run at it involves some level of sarcastic humor and Bob thinks that to be a tad inappropriate. Must do a serious version that he can take to the legal department without, in his words, "starting World War III."

Walter Mitty

The Professional

A photograph about photography ... and those people that get real uppity about how professional they are because they make money doing whatever it is that they do.

Random Thoughts

I started a "public blog" ... At least "public" in the sense that I've invited a bunch of other people to join in, post their thoughts and to comment on what others are saying. I'm hoping that it will extend on the dialogs that were going among these people during the recent election period. I have no idea where it will go now ... probably into the ground. I don't think I know a group of "virtually social" types. I guess we'll see.

NPR had a thing on writing today. "Do a page a day and after a year, you have a book" was the bottom line. Actually, that's a pretty good idea .. though I suspect a page is a lot more than it sounds. I know I have trouble putting a page of thought together for this blog.

I was sharing some of the old stories with Eric today. He said he was having a slow day, and it was certainly a slow news day for OPI. I told him the one about Marc Nelsen giving the cat a bath. It reminded me of the night Jim Fecke, W. David F. J and I rolled David's Renault trying to find a bar, first in Stockton .. then in Freeport ... but never arriving in either place. That puts me in mind of the set design I did for the production of "Under Milkwood". Free association through the ages.

All of these memories are important to me but I realize that they mean nothing to anyone else. I watched that happen when my father died. All those things that were so very important to him ... and to me and others around him as a consequence, suddenly meant nothing at all except for the $.25 per memory they'd get at a yard sale.

I was talking to Darlene on line. She's one of the very few people from the past that I have any contact with. It was an interesting exchange:

Darlene: And lots of us have survived traumatic events in childhood. Peggy's Mom used to say, "Lots of us make a living off our scars." You may remember she was a famous child psychologist.

Darlene is no longer idle at 11:38:17 AM.

Darlene is idle at 11:39:13 AM.

Me: as a matter of fact, I remember F. Michael inadvertantly spilling a drink down someone's back at Peggy's mom's place ... some kind of reception, I think

Me: not sure how I ended up there .. that's actually the only clear image I have of the event I think I was the only one who saw it ... and Michael, with a his puckish look, trying to brush the droplets off the back of the jacket

Darlene: Yes, I remember that party. Maria invited us all. We got into an argument about the game of "Go," and Peggy grabbed the phone and called the ultimate expert, Edward Teller, a family friend.

(10 minute silence in chat)

Darlene: You know, the guy who invented the atomic bomb?

Darlene: That Edward Teller.

Me: yup .. that guy

Me: also of the Larry Livermore Lab

Darlene: Where's that one?

Me: Lawrence Livermore ... I was using the familiar

I hope Darlene didn't think I was being sarcastic. Actually, I probably was being a little sarcastic. sometimes that streak gets the better of me.

I found the incident so amusing. It was also very nice to remember with someone. It was nice to have a common past. I don't know why I find that both amusing and touching ... maybe vindicating.

And still, chat remains a little bit of the thearter of the absurd when you read the transcript back.

Perspective and a History Lesson

For those who don't know, Dennis Miller is a comedian who has a show called Dennis Miller Live on HBO. He is not Jewish. He recently said the following about the Mideast situation:

"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you really need. Here we go:

"The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that: There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war, Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan, and there were no "Palestinians."

"As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping for their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."

"So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" any more to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths until someone points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are: "Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."

"I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters." Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country. Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't. They could've had their own country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years ago at Camp David. But if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some way to make a living.

"That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course--that's where the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.

"Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity" as their textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth, and if you've ever been around God's Earth, you know that's really saying something.

"It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about the great history and culture of the Muslim Mid east. Unless I'm missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.

"Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five Million Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches,Everyone will be pals.

"Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.

"My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse the Numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million Arabs. I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of course not.

"Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children?

"Disgusting.

"No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews would ever do to people is debate them to death After September 11th our president told us and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the countries that supported them. Beautiful.

"Then the Israelis, after months and months of having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City every week (and then every day) start to do the same thing we did, and we tell them to show restraint. If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan."

- Dennis Miller

"Fallujah"

The sound of America's credibility going down the toilet.

MSNBC - 'This Ain't Over Yet': "'These guys are such cowards!' he shouted. 'Why don't they come out and fight?'"

Excuse me? Isn't that what the British said about George Washington and the Minute Men and other Amercan insurgents in the late 1700s? I guess insurgency never changes.

It seems to me, when we engage in an elective war - one in which we weren't directly attacked by the other party - we seem to fall into the same head as other aggressors before us - forgetting what people will do when they believe they are fighting in defense of their country.

We invaded Iraq because we had the "last-war" head thing going on. We invaded Iraq because we didn't understand that al Qaeda and other loose knit organizations like it (the real enemy) don't have a country or countries or an "over there" but we felt we had to do SOMETHING.

The proposition that "we're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here" is absurd. It would make sense if they had an "over there" but al Qaeda is not bound by borders. While we're attacking the movement "over there", they're blowing up trains in Spain, bombing night clubs in Bali and kidnapping people in the Phillipines.

To paraphrase Dorothy Parker, "There is no there there!"

16 Things You Need to Believe to be Moral in America

1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
   
2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
   
3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
   
4. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
   
5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
   
6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
   
7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
   
8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
   
9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
   
10. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
    
11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
    
12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
    
13. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
    
14. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
    
15. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
    
16. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
    

Profiling

To ensure we Americans never offend anyone - particularly fanatics intent on killing us -- airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year-old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal-of-Honor-winning former Governors.

Let's pause a moment, reflect back, vow to NEVER forget, and then take the following test based on actual cuts from history, on whether or not we should engage in profiling:

In 1972, at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped & massacred by:
(a) Olga Korbut
(b) Sitting Bull
(c) Arnold Schwartzeneger
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40

In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Lost Norwegians
(b) Elvis
(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women on a Quilting Tour
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40

During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
(a) John Dillinger
(b) The King of Sweden
(c) The Boy Scouts
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40

In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A Pizza Hut delivery boy
(b) Patricia Ireland and three other crazed feminists
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

In 1985, the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked, and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by:
(a) The Smurfs
(b) Davy Jones
(c) The Little Mermaid
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

In 1985, TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, & a U.S. Navy diver was murdered by:
(a) Captain Kidd
(b) Charles Lindberg
(c) Mother Teresa
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Scooby Doo
(b) The Tooth Fairy
(c) Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40

In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
(a) Richard Simmons
(b) Grandma Moses
(c) Michael Jordan
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

In 1996, The Khobar Towers barracks at Dhahran, Saudia Arabia were bombed by:
(a) The Vienna Boys Choir
(b) The Ohio State University football team
(c) Alec Baldwin
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40

In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
(c) The World Wrestling Federation
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40

On 10/12/00, the USS COLE (DDG-67) was attacked in Aden, Yemen, and 17 American sailors were killed by:
(a) Rosie O'Donnell
(b) Barbara Streisand
(c) James Carvell and Paul Begala
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked & destroyed & thousands of people were killed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd
(b) The Supreme Court of Florida
(c) The Jamaican bobsled team
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

In 2002, the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
(a) Enron
(b) The Lutheran Church
(c) The NFL
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

In 2002, reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
(a) Bonny and Clyde
(b) Captain Kangaroo
(c) Martha Stewart
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

On 4/28/02, a suicide truck bombing of a synagogue in Tunisia killed 19 people. Those responsible include:
(a) Ted Williams' children
(b) D.C. sniper suspects
(c) online pornographers
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

On 10/12/02, two nightclubs in Bali were bombed and resulted in the death of over 190 men, women, and children. Most were Australian. The heinous bombers were:
(a) Bally Fitness Club towel boys
(b) Bally slot machine repairmen
(c) Oscar Hammerstein II, who wrote Bali Hai for South Pacific
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

On 11/28/02, the Paradise Hotel near Mombasa, Kenya was attacked by a suicide bomber and a car bomb that killed 10 innocent Kenyans and three Israelis tourists. Who did this:
(a) Agusta National Golf Club members
(b) a group of crazed Wal*Mart Greeters
(c) UN. Weapons of Mass Destruction Inspection Team
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

On 12/30/02, three Southern Baptist missionaries providing free health care to the poor at the 80-bed Jibla, Yeman hospital were slautered by:
(a) Raelian cultists
(b) Michael Doonsbury and Rob Reiner
(c) NASCAR
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

On 3/4/03, 21 inocents were killed and 170 injured while taking shelter during a rain shower at the airport at Davao City on Mindanao, the Philippine Islands. The homicide bomber was:
(a) Phil Donahue
(b) Phyllis Diller
(c) Phil Specter
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

On 5/13/03, in Riyadh, Saudia Arabia, 34 honorable people, including 8 Americans, were murdered by:
(a) Karem Abdul Jabbar and Sean Penn
(b) Paula Abdul and Mike Farrell
(c) Muhammad Ali and Jeneane Garofalo
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 & 40.

Hmmm . . . Nope, I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you?

(Throughout all these incidents the voices of moderate Muslims were conspicuous by their absence. Silence is most often seen as consent.)

Questions for Fundamentalsits; An Open Letter to George W. Bush:

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
   
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
   
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
   
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
   
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
   
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
   
7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
   
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
   
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
   
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
    

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Yours truly,
Christian

A Post Election Note from Manny:
From: "Manny Celnick"
Subject: The Blue States Strike Back Cursing

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant?

What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it's a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It's your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess.

That's right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It's too easy, asshole, they're blue states. It's not your money, assholes, it's fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let's talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It's fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that's right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that's just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast
Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.

On the Arafat Legacy

Yesterday, after reading more than I cared to read about the passing of Yasser Arafat, I wondered aloud how long it would be before the Palistinians started shooting each other. I got my answer today.

The Associated Press reports:

GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip Nov 14, 2004 — Gunfire erupted Sunday at the tent set up for mourners of Yasser Arafat just after his successor as PLO leader arrived, and one Palestinian policeman was killed and five other people were wounded, witnesses and hospital officials said.

Gunmen fired in the air about five minutes after Mahmoud Abbas, Arafat's longtime deputy chosen over the weekend as his successor, arrived in a motorcade. Abbas' bodyguards also fired in the air, the witnesses said.

Associated Press Television News footage showed a group of about 20 men entering the mourning tent where Abbas, Gaza strongman Mohammed Dahlan and other key Palestinian leaders had come to mourn for Arafat, who died Thursday.

The gunmen, clad in green, shouted, "Abbas and Dahlan are agents for the Americans!"

Where is the outcry among the moderate Mulsims? When are they going to demand an end to killing. It seems the Islamic answer to all issues is to kill someone.

ABC News: Kerry Accuses Bush of Incompetence

It seems to me there's a significant difference between an accusation and an observation. I believe Kerry was merely articulating an observation of a highly demonstrable fact rather than accusing Bush of something that may or may not be true.