You Might Be In Tucson IF ...

(and other Tucson oddities)

• You buy salsa by the gallon.
  
  
• You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
  
  
• All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
  
  
• Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El"or "Los."
  
  
• You think 60 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
  
  
• You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
  
  
• You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny.
  
  
• You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
  
  
• You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
  
  
• Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
  
  
• People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70 degrees.
  
  
• You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
  
  
• The pool can be warmer than you are.
  
  
• You can make sun tea instantly.
  
  
• You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
  
  
• The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
  
  
• The AC is on your list of best friends.
  
  
• You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
  
  
• You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
  
  
• The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
  
  
• You can correctly pronounce the words: Saguaro, Ocotillo, Tempe, Gila Bend, San Xavier, Canyon de Chelly, Mogollon Rim, Cholla, and Ajo.
  
  
• You experience third degree burns if you touch any metal part of your car.
  
  
• You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.
  
  
• Announcements for Fourth of July events never end with "in case of rain..."
  
  
• You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Tu-son, not Tuc-sin.
  
  
• Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Tucson has its own version of traffic rules...hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous, high-speed chase in Tucson. They all drive like that.
  
  
• All directions start with, "Go down to Ina Rd."... Which has no beginning and no end.
  
  
• The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "Scenic Drive."
  
  
• The morning rush hour is from 7:00 - 10:00 am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 - 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
  
  
• If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. When you are the first one off of the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.
  
  
• La Cholla (CHOY-yuh) Road and La Canada (Ca-NYA-dah) Road can only be pronounced by a native.
  
  
• Construction on I-10, River Rd., and near the University of Arizona is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
  
  
• If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a defect.
  
  
• All old ladies with blue hair in pink Cadillacs have total right-of-way.
  
  
• The minimum acceptable speed on I-10 is 100-mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
  
  
• The wrought iron bars on windows in south Tucson are NOT ornamental.
  
  
• Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk or look at anyone.
  
  
• If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60-mph zone people are not waving when they pass you on the right.
  
  
• You drive for hours in the same direction and you're still in the city limits.
  
  
• Sunrise Rd/Skyline Dr./Ina Rd. is our daily version of NASCAR (and all the same road by the way).
  
  
• There are three Magee Rd.'s in Tucson, and in some places, one of them is called Cortaro, try not to be confused.
  
  
• If you speed in Oro Valley, you WILL get pulled over and you will pay for the rest of your life!
  
  
• One Hardy Rd. is a safe normal road. The other Hardy Road will take you on the edge of a dirt cliff with no guard rail and no way to turn around. Be careful which one you get on!
  
  
• If you are driving and you keep seeing Nico's Taco Shop, you are not going in circles, there is in fact one on every corner.
  
  
• There are no freeways running through Tucson, just the I-10 to the West, so always expect about a 45-minute drive to go anywhere.
  
  
• If you get pulled over by a cop, make sure it is a real cop and not a gang initiation with fake lights because you will be shot.
  
  
• Tangerine Rd. will make you car sick ... very bumpy, and lots of dips.
  
  
• The intersection at Oracle and Ina is considered one of the most dangerous intersections in the southwest United States.
  
  
• If the temperature is less than 100*F, Thanksgiving must be next week.
  
  
• Grant Rd. has been nicknamed "Suicide Lane." During certain hours of the day, the middle turn lane thingy allows traffic going different ways. Some hours it goes East, some hours it goes West, and other hours it is merely a turning lane. Make sure you know the hours or follow signs so you are not in head-on traffic.
  
  
• In response you your request for directions you're told, "You can't get there from here."