I'd planned to go up to Chaco Canyon in the fall however, we've never been to Canyon de Chelly. That might make an interesting destination - and I think it's probably a good idea to make the rounds before repeating ourselves.

Canyon de Chelly is about an hour closer and we could still arrange to meet Magoski and anyone else who wants to tip a round in Gallup, NM. Gallup is the logical hotel point in any case. It's about 7-7 1/2 hours up the road from here - shorter time, more miles if by Interstate; more time, fewer miles on the straight line.

I haven't decided if I want to have a model hang out to add human scale to the images. Actually, the more time I think about it, the less I like the idea. The ruins shold be enough subject matter in themselves.

It's early on Sunday morning now. On Friday we had an adrenalin rush. We got a call from the mortgage guy telling us that the underwriters at the loan office needed a guarantee that I would have my Ricoh income after December when my contract expires. I could only tell them the truth, there is no guarantee.

"Well, can they call your contact in New Jersey."

"Of Course they can."

"Will he tell them your contract will be renewed."

"He'll tell them that the odds are very good, like 99.99%"

"Will he put that on paper."

"No. He would be representing the company and the company will not commit beyond the contract. If they were to commit beyond the contract, that would be a contract, and we don't have a contract for that period of time. We won't have a contract covering that period of time until we negotiate it sometime in October or November. In the meantime, I have almost four times the value of the house 'in the bank'. I'm only looking to finance the house until I can sell our current house in August and I'm only holding back on that to avoid the capital gains hit. You tell those morons in underwriting that if worse comes to worse, I'll buy the god damned house with cash and leave the bank out of the picture. Ask them what guarantee they have with their job beyond next week. I'm better off than an employee. I have a contract that covers the next six months. What are their friggin' guarantees? I'm a lot harder to get rid of than they are."

The upshot is that after the Chinese fire drill, the involvement of two departmental supervisors at the bank and Mary's intercession to point out to the underwriters that I've had a decade of uninterrupted employment with the company I now have a contract with - we have the money we need. However, the paperwork is delayed in the system and we have to move the closing a couple of hours and across town to the northwest side office.

Another sales prevention department in action.

We did a 'walk through' yesterday. It was a little premature, at least from our perspective - the Monoco's are still there. Though they are packed for the most part - they are still in full 'living here' mode.

We went over the list of items and issues they'd agreed to deal with and everything looks like its in order. At least that part seems to be working right.

I'll be glad when we are quit of this place.

I have an appointment to set an appointment for a TFP shoot with Rodney, a black aspiring model living in Phoenix. We're going to try to hook up during the week of July 5th, after the move and a few minutes for us to get our feet on the ground.

We got a great deal on the Bill Clinton autobiography ... at the grocery store! Both Candy and I are threatening to read it but the 900+ page size is daunting, to say the least. I was most impressed to find out that Clinton literally penned the book (hand wrote the book) himself - without ghost writers.

I'm impressed. I cleared the entire things to do list plus re-routed the newspaper subscription yesterday morning. I hate being on the phone but once I got going, it wasn't so bad.

There's little else to report on. We're just marching in place at this point, waiting for Monday and the closing on the new house. We are finding that homes are listing for more and more. I'd initially thought we'd be putting this place up for something on the order of $130-135K. After out initial talks with Mary (real estate agent) we concluded putting this house up for $154K was not unreasonable. Yesterday, Mary faxed over two new listings from this neighborhood. One house, 2 doors down, is being listed at $229K. I find that unbelievable! Granted, it's four bedroom, there's a pool & jacuzzi in the back and about 500 square feet more of living space - BUT ... The upshot is that we're probably going to list this place at something like $160K. Already that number is a strain on my credulity.

Insomnia is a way of life. In bed by 11pm, sleep until about 2 or 3am, up until after sunrise then back to bed for another hour or two.

There are no great philosophical debates or moral dilemmas keeping me awake. There are thoughts that chase each other around in my brain. However many thoughts it seems there are as I lie there in the dark, they always resolve into only four or five when I rise to sort them out with the lights on.

The things to do list:

• Call Tucson Water, get service for new house
  
• Call the gas company, get service for new house
  
• Call the electric company, get service for the new house
  
• Call the insurance company, check on health insurance options now that we've been rejected by BCBS
  
• Try to find a face plate that fits the circuit breaker box in the workshop
  

It's a managable list in the end. I'd rather be shooting.

Got an e-mail from a model agency in New Mexico, probably as a result of listing my travel plans to Chaco Canyon this fall. I'd mentioned that I was interested in doing a TFP with any model interested in tagging along. I don't really need a model for anything other than to add some human scale to the photographs of the ruins. I'll send them a note - it would be working with an agency that actually tries to get something going for its models and that should be encouraged.

Here's their letter:

Greetings:

I would like to welcome you to your New Mexico visit. The land of enchantment certainly holds many magnificent quailities around the state!

As I read, you will be visiting the Gallup & Chaco areas. I invite you to see some of our local models; Saja (teen Model) and Stacey (www.stmaureen21.com), these models are the sage talent mgmt site here on muse cube. We are open to your TFP/CD work basis.

Should you have any7 questions, please feel free to give me a call at 505/368-1104.

Best Regards,

Roy J. Tso
www.geocities.com/sagemodelsltd

The house deal is coming together. I had to dig out the ten year old divorve decree in order to demonstarte that Ali is "of age" and I am no longer subject to child support. I still have to contact water, gas and electric. Even tomorrow will be cutting it close. I keep forgetting to do anything about those utilities.

I'm feeling very discouraged. Sometimes life just gets a little overwhelming and this is one of those moments. We are trying to move from health insurance provided through my former employer and governed under the terms and conditions of the COBRA provisions to health insurance that we pay for - with the same basic network - Blue Cross Blue Shield (BCBS). We have been paying into BCBS for years - via payments from my company and through payroll deductions. We've had few claims - at least I've not had many, but now that we're getting older and in need of insurance, we've been denied for the reasonably priced spread. How many thousands of dollars in profit have I represented? Keep in mind that insurance companies are among the most profitable on the planet!

I have an appointment with Ron H. later this morning. The bank needs a litter from me indicating that the new house will be our primary residence (as opposed to a rental property). Not a problem - it's just another detail in an inundation of details.

We watched "A Concert for George" - a gathering of friends to send off a fellow musician - and couldn't help wonder how small a closed it will be when all of our friends gather for those final good-byes. What does it matter? Who will care 100 years from now -or- 1,000 years from now? It was great music, thought. It's easy to forget how much music emanated from those four people (The Beatles). They have been a good part of the sound track of our lives.

We agreed that we simply haven't made the effort to have other people in our lives. We agreed that we simply don't have enough people in our lives.

I'd thought it might be a fun idea to do a "once-a-month" model, photographer "meet and greet" (cameras not welcome). I know we both miss the monthly get-togethers we used to have in Pennsylvania before we moved. It was good fellowship and laughter. Of course, as good as those things can be, we all forget each other once they are over. In any case, we're considering giving that a try.

Candy had some dental surgery yesterday - I guess some bone was spliced in to make up from some gingivitis bone loss. She's in pain and I guess she will be for quite a while as it all heals. We need to take care of the major things while we still have insurance coverage - it ends at the end of November.

Candy is doing orthodontic surgery today. I don't think she's going to be interested in talk to anyone when she gets out. The mortgage guy is chasing me for a copy of my daughter's birth certificate. I have a physical coming up ... and we're closing on the new house next Monday. We were complaining that we don't have enough things going on quite recently.

I watched Clinton on 60 Minutes last night. Nostalgia for the old days was the most prominent feeling I experienced while watching. I wonder if Evan watched. Evan, our "adopted son" in the Secret Service, has a history for being a knee jerk Republican ... Not so much for having thought through the issues (he's young) but more for the fact that his father is a kneejerk Republican. Our recent conversations indicate that the winds of change are in the air with Evan - mostly over the Iraq war and surrounding shit storm. Last time I checked, Evan was having trouble supporting either candidate for president.

I'm listening to a piece about blogging on NPR. The thing that strikes me; puzzles me is why do young people feel such a need to talk so fast. It's like if they don't rush through their ideas, they'll loose them. It seems so little is done with circumspection anymore. People drive fast, walk fast, talk fast ... All at the expense of thinking ... particularly critical thought. It's all a function of emotion; they are emoting. Conversation has been reduced to a series of emoticons, little type written faces made up of sideways letters. :-)

Flame wars fraught with circular reasoning plague MuseCube. I've gotten involved with a couple of them but there's no payoff.

In the meantime, Mary has come up with a web site that will allow me to expedite a request for Ali's birth certificate in response to Ron's (Wells Fargo's) request in counter to a credit report item indicating that I have some child support due. Yes, it's that convoluted.

Candy has dental surgery on Monday and I have a physical later in the week. We've been turned down by Blue Cross Blue Shield for insurance leaving us with the very expensive transfer option. I could do a whole rant on insurance.

Another day down and on the way to the new home. We have managed to have four addresses in the 7 or 8 years we've been together. Our hope is we can stop with this new one. We've retained a moving company. They will be sending packers on the 28th and moving us on the 29th. For our part, most of the packing we plan to do personally has been done.

Marcia re-sent her request to buy the "toy" bags. I've been trying to ignore her - given that she only surfaces if she thinks there's something in it for her. She is no one's friend unless there's some benefit in it for her. I think the word is "grasping".

With the move in progress, it's very hard to focus on shooting anything. I am hoping I can get back into it once we settle down.

I have a hearing test this afternnon. Indications are that about half my hearing on both sides is gone. Not somehting that has just happened, it's a process that's been going on for years and I'm finally at a point where I have to do something about it. More to follow, I'm sure.

I forgot to mention that I got a return note from the Ken (KSM) fellow. I guess my earlier note to him caught him a little off guard at first - but he's managed to retreat into academic BS defensiveness.

His note follows:

Why do we do this? I haven't the faintest idea. For me, I just need to express myself, and at the moment that can be visually, or with words, or with both. In part it's what you mentioned yourself, I think: working through the issues brings them to the surface, where we can see them in fresh ways, and then jump to another level. Sometimes it does amaze me though that women are willing to put up with what I need to make that happen. Sure, some are narcissistic, one or two have been full-blown exhibitionists, but a lot have just been curious, or willing to help. The true artists, including a few I met through this site, added suggestions which gave me ideas I might not have had otherwise.

As for perception... well, books have been written. As photographers we mostly understand that we see reflected light, interpreted by electrical signals sent to our brain. Look at an object under a microscope, at 10 feet, at a mile, it looks like different things. And none of them are real. The most convincing philosophy I've seen posits that we can at best infer reality. Of course, different cultural viewpoints construct very different realities. Justin Lane's post on a Native American perspective film was fascinating because they really do see things very differently than we do. Which of course means we, as visual artists, have an unlimited number of ways to see things.

Well, I need to get on the phone and try to pin down details on a couple of photo shoots so I can practice some of this. I heard last night from one of those web cam models, basically, her one tfp shoot was actually worse than the ones she took herself, at least hers were almost in focus. But she has a good face, so as a personal challenge I'm going to give her an hour and see what I can get. Should be fun.

Anyway, keep seeing things in a fresh way,

Ken

... ok, maybe I'm being to harsh. I tend to move in that direction when I don't get what I expect. I'm not sure how to repond. I've been rolling that around in my head since receipt of the response.

McGowan sent me a link to a list taht he manages ... a non-glamour, erotic nude list. I would love to join but I'm reluctant, feeling that to do so would be under false pretenses in a way. As I said before, I've not been involved in doing that kind of shooting in over two years. Maybe once we get the house under control and get settled in I can take it up again.

I spent some time shooting architecturals in downtown Tucson yesterday afternoon. When I got back to the computer to look at the results, I must say, I'm not satisfied with any of it.

I've rearranged my portfolio and I'm showing that I'm not taking bookings until late August or early September. With the move coming at the end of the month and the fact that we're buying furniture like it's going out of style, I expect we're going to be too busy getting settled in for me to focus (yes, a pun) on shooting - particularly if other people are involved.

A young fellow, James (PeepeyePhotography) on MuseCube, track down my AOL address and the web site. He sent me a very complimentary note telling me how much he liked my writing. I've not worked on that book or that area of photography for about two years now. It's nice to have the positive feedback, but I'm on to other things now.

The Home Show wasn't a total bust. I picked up one of those carved mahogany models of a P-38 Lightening and Candy bought a laquerware candy dish. We stopped for a late breakfast then stumbled across a gas station where a bunch of high schoolers were washing cars. The car, desperately needing a wash, we stopped. There were a bunch of homeless guys in the corner of the parking lot. One saw that I had a camera over my shoulder and yelled out that I should take their pictures. I did. I showed them the digital results on the camera's monitor. They had a ball - and I got my shot for the day.

It occurred to me somewhere along the way that if I ever get rich and famous at this new "career", if there was ever one magazine I'd like to shoot for, it'd be National Geographic. I suppose the fashion and glamour and all the other stuff is ok, but sometimes it seems to artificial - always it seems so artificial.

I'd wanted to drive up to Montezuma's Castle today - about four hours up the road from here - to shoot the ruins while I can still do that on my own steam. Candy argued that it was really a weekend trip. We're going to a Home and Garden Show instead. I've gone to thise things before. They're dull as paint but I'll take a cmera just the same. I need more portfolio fodder - one or two more archetecturals would be nice. If Candy is feeling good, maybe I can walk us toward downtown and find something there.

I can't wait til the move is over. We've been living in this place for a little over a year now and it has driven me so far into myself that sometimes I fear I will never come out again.

1,472 Square feet to 2,160 square feet! We've been buying furniture and there's more on the list. I'm doing the Great Living Room sort of like an Edwardian Gentalmen's Club - complete with a pool table and Mission (Craftsmen) style couches and chairs. Finally a place that we can make our own.

There is a problem on the horizon and, as a result, there are so many things I want to do over the next year. A little background: the perscription for my glasses has not changed materially for the last 15-20 years - at least that's what I've been told by a succession of optometrists. Over that period of time I've lived in Ohio, New Jersey and Pennsylvania and I've had to obtain driver's licenses in each of those places. In the past, when encountering a challenge with "line 4" on the eye test (resulting for an aesthigmatic condition), I've resorted to the "not from the doctor" ploy. Each of those states has had a form. Arizona - according to the clerk at the motor vehicles department when Candy went for her testing - does not have or accept doctor notes. I fear my freedom of mobility will cease in August a year from now. Yes, there are so many things I want to do in the next year.

A Message to KSM (Ken) ... See the link to his blog in the previous entry (below):

Ken –

I spent WAY more time reading your blog than I imagined I would … sucked in, as it were. It’s probably the most interesting and engaging piece of off the cuff writing I’ve encountered in a while.

I tend to jump in on one side of an issue or another, more for the sake of using the discussion as a means to hang my thoughts in the air so I can see what I’m really thinking than I do to score wins or losses. I’ve found the environmental nude discussion has been a great help to me in arm wrestling my way through the competing ideas.

I thought the idea of discussing reality versus perception was interesting – but I think a more visceral exchange might be an exploration of what draws photographers and models to this particular area of the arts – and what is the relationship between these photographers and these models. What drives these people to play their respective roles – freezing their asses off in a Sub-Arctic winter to get a picture of a naked person dry humping a snow bank?

As a parenthetical aside and just for the sake of argument, I’d would argue that perceived reality is the only reality and leave it at that. (Someone once accused me of being the intellectual equivalent of a drive by shooter. I think they probably mean something on the order of, “deadly at the initial encounter but without much follow-up after the fact.”)

Reading your stuff did two things for me, both good in my estimation – ok, maybe more than two things. First, they gave me the sense that I should pass on the coffee this morning and move straight on to the bourbon without benefit of side trips or stops along the way. Secondly and far more importantly, the narrative gave a context to your work that I’d not had previously. The blog was for me the Rosette Stone that I needed to find my way into your visual vocabulary. Where the images were before a series of individual hieroglyphs related more by style than anything else, I now have solid clues to the underlying drift of the “words” and “sentences” and “chapters” of the images – or at very least some clues on how to get there.

Your stuff is WAY more interesting after a couple of peeks inside your head.

I figured E-mail would be best for a personal aisde. Hope you don't mind me cluttering up your mailbox.

Regards,
J